jackjanderson: (Moon Over Earth)
I've come to realise as I'm reading blogs that I seem to spend a lot of time feeling the need to apologise for my fellow man, for the way so many men treat women, for the way so many women have been treated by men. It sickens me that there are men who think it's ok to continue making advances on a woman when shes made it clear she's not interested, and more than that.

Am I trying to say that I'm perfect, that I've never undressed a woman with my eyes, that I've never catcalled, that I've never thought of certain more manual labour as a 'mans job'?
No, of course I'm not. I do, however, know where the line is and not to cross it. I was raised by a strong woman and taught to respect women. To respect everyone, lets face it. To be a decent human being.

My son has been raised the same way and if I was to ever find out that he was treating women in a disrepectful manner, if I ever found out he'd broken a woman's consent... well let's just say he may be 30 but he'd still find his hide tanned for it!
(I tried to put a joking 'other than his mother, he can treat her however he pleases' but actually, no, despite my thinking shes an insufferable bitch, if I found out Charlie was treating his mother wrong it would still be the same case!)

I was always aware of the difficulties a woman can face. My wife struggles with gender bias a lot in her chosen fields. There is a colleague of hers who refers to her, even in earshot, as 'the cute blonde' - ok, I'm not going to argue with his assessment because she i but damnit they're supposed to be professionals, they're peers, she has just as many (if not more) qualifications as he does, she's published more, I'd like to say she's better respected.

Samantha says it's professonal jealousy combined with a masculine pride and not wanting to believe a woman could do better than her. I say it's a good job I don't have to see the arrogant fool more than once or twice a year. I'm personally not sure how she hasn't broken his nose yet!

I also understnd that would cause more trouble than it's worth and he'd just label her another emotional woman who can't control or handle herself.

I cannot understand men like him. I cannot understand the behaviour of so many men.

How are we in 2017 and still struggling with the same issues of gender equality?
jackjanderson: (Han Solo)
According to a small child in town today, I am the coolest old person they had ever seen. Possibly even the coolest old person, ever. Old people, you see, don't wear Batman t-shirts. This is what I've learned today.

While I'm pleased as punch to be classed as cool, I'm not sure how I feel at being seen as an 'old person'. Yes, I am old and yes I call myself old. But having someone else call me old is very different to knowing I'm old.
I'm not sure how much sense that makes.

Can I just take the 'cool' and run with it?
No-one's ever actually called me cool and meant it before

Samantha and Lucy, who I was having lunch with at the time, thought it was utterly hilarious. They say that I'm just old and not cool though. One day they'll both turn old, have people think they're old and then we'll see how they feel!
jackjanderson: (Milky Way Blue)
Things Jack learned about himself this last week - he does not like to be alone and gets lonely quite easily.

It's been a weird old week with Lucy at her sister's and Samantha at work. Samantha's gone again today - to bring Lucy home - and they'll be back later this afternoon and I am at a loss of things to do. The house is quiet and empty. I've not enjoyed rattling around it in on my own all week and I don't know how Lucy did it all day, every day.

I ended up spending the latter half of the week out - at the library or at a coffee shop mostly... anywhere where there was human contact to be had. I thought about looking into volunteering opportunities. I may even have snuck into one or two of Samantha's classes.

I always knew I was an extrovert and thrived on the company of other people but I had no idea how miserable it would make me to be on my own. I hope this is not an experience to be repeated anytime soon!
jackjanderson: (The Long & Winding Road)
I'm realising that one of the topics I'm going to end up talking about most is my girls and our relationship/s with each other. I'm also aware that it's going to be misunderstood, misinterpreted so I'm going to come straight out and discuss it.

I have a wife and we have a girlfriend. And believe me, Lucy is very much Samantha's girlfriend as much as she is mine. We are all three in a relationship together.

We are polyamorous.

Polyamory, as defined by the dictionary is the practice or condition of participating simultaneously in more than one serious romantic or sexual relationship with the knowledge and consent of all partners..

What we are not is swingers or cheats. No-one is fucking anyone else behind anyone else's back. We aren't inviting random people into our bed all the time. We are all in a committed relationship, no different to any straight, monogamous couple. It's just that there's three of us.

Polyfidelty is another term for what we have. We're a triad, if you will. A delta.

It's not something that was planned. It's not something either Samantha or I were aware of being or of having any interest in. As my son asked, it's not the reason I got divorced from his mother. It kind of just happened.

Samantha and I have have been in a relationship since 1999, and we have been married since 2004. Lucy and I met in May of 2010. We had sexual bdsm relationship for a couple of months1. She knew I was a married. Samantha watched a number of times and joined in. A few months later, Samantha confessed to me that she was developing feelings for Lucy - and I was incredibly relieved because I felt the same way. We sat down and talked about it, just the two of us and then with Lucy. 6 months later, Lucy moved in with us.

It's not easy. Like any relationship, hell like anything worth having, it takes work. We're still discovering new ways in which we work together. For example, since I retired, Samantha has admitted she's jealous of the amount of time I'm spending with Lucy (Lucy does not work for a number of reasons and so we're both home all the time) so I'm aware we need to spend more time together as a couple. We haven't worked out the finer points yet, still a work in progress. But it's a new situation so we're growing and learning into it and from it




1 the BDSM aspect of our relationship is something I'm planning on writing a post about as well.
jackjanderson: (Crossword)
Thank you everyone for your tips and advice on my last post. I definitely found it helpful, and if anything it just reaffirmed what I already suspected.

Write from the heart, write about what I want to write about, write about whatever is in my head, write about what interests me, write about what makes me happy, write about my life.

So what does that mean? what interests me and makes me happy?

My wife and girlfriend. Polyamory. My son. Books I read, music I listen to, movies/tv I watch. Science fiction. Superheroes (Marvel and DC). Football. Fishing. Gardening. Astronomy. BDSM.

I'm not completely sure how any of these are going to translate into posts but I've also been told to not think so hard about, just 'put pen to paper' and 'dont expect perfection on page 1'

All food for thought and I'm interested to see how it all plays out

I have however been working on the title for this thing. Instead of being a bland Jack's Journal, I've now got a name of Flying To The Stars:Adventures in Space, Time, Polyamory, and Fishing which I really do like. I've also got a layout that I'm much happier with.

One step at a time. Perfect won't happen on page 1.

About Me

I'm Jack, a recent retiree looking for a new hobby. Apparently 'annoying my girlfriend' isn't the best use of my days. Her opinion, not mine

I'm a life-long science-fiction and superheroes fan, and a voracious reader. I enjoy movies, fishing, astronomy, and gardening.

I live in Wales with my wife, our girlfriend and an ever growing collection of four-legged friends.

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