jackjanderson: (Crossword)
I am very proud with how well my girls are coping with the lockdown right now.

I know Lucy is really struggling due to her routines being off - she can't go to the gym or any of her support groups. We can't go on any of regular dates (me/Samantha, me/Lucy, Samantha/Lucy, all of us - we have weekly dates). But we're taking longer walks with the dogs each morning, spending more time outside in the garden. We're also having a lot more sex. Twofold - life-affirming in scary, death-filled times, but also the BDSM element helps calm her mental health issues. I'm sure there's some psychological reason but all we know/care about, is that it works.

Mental health wise, Lucy is struggling. I know she's hallucinating more and she's telling us that they're saying both Samantha and I are already dead, she's seeing us as dead. Her anxiety is high and her mood is low. I can't even begin to imagine how terrifying it must be for her. All we can do is support her the best we can. I just want to hold her, and she just wants to clean.

Samantha, on outward appearances, is coping remarkably. She's adjusted swiftly to lecturing remotely and is continuing to support her colleagues and students. She's a shining light. She is, however, having terrible nightmares and, similar to her trauma last year, is utterly afraid either Lucy or I are going to die, and doesn't want to let either of us out of her sight.

Me? Well my trauma response is numbness, supporting the people I love and eating my bodyweight in carbohydrates and sugar. I'll deal with everything after the end of times and I know my girls are safe
jackjanderson: (Default)
I managed two days on that 30 day challenge then lapsed. It's not a good start, is it? Although, well, somewhat extenuating circumstances courtesy of My Lady Samantha

While we're not technically in a 24/7-type relationship, over the last month or so while Samantha has been off and her health on the mend, things have been moving a little more in that direction. I'm certainly not complaining, it's a lot of fun but I do need to make sure if we keep making these steps, that we sit down and talk about it, set guidelines and boundaries rather than just falling into it the way we seem to be. For example, when do I get to express my dominant side? But the details are not especially relevant for this post, just the fact that it seems to be happening.

I have been spending maybe a little too much time on my tablet in the last week. I'm not sure how I ended up playing it, but I've got a little addicted to a 'magical farming' game called Decurse. We have a strict no electronics in the bedroom rule and I maybe tried to play the game in bed the other evening (I had crops to harvest). That earned me a thorough not-fun spanking. And it gets worse. Yesterday morning when Samantha & I were getting ready to head to the supermarket, I ignored her while playing my game. She took the tablet off me and what happened next is under the cut to spare those who don't want to read it )

I'm only allowed my tablet for an hour a day for the rest of the week and I've definitely learned my lesson about ignoring Samantha. She's not sure yet if she's going to let me watch the Man City Vs Leicester game tonight or not.

Speaking of football, Manchester City won the 2019 FA Women's Cup on Saturday with a 3-0 win over West Ham. Another match I wasn't allowed to watch. I wish I was more excited, I love Manchester City and women's football is grossly under-represented - and as a straight man I should thoroughly enjoy watching women play? But it doesn't. I support them, of course, and the juniors - the games just don't excite me the way the A team does.

Now, on to that already-neglected 30 day meme

Day 3 - Your views on drugs and alcohol
Like most things, they're both fine in moderation. I love a good beer and I do enjoy both smoking weed and edibles. I don't like being drunk or feeling like I'm not in control, I like the nice buzz from them though - both very pleasurable

Day 4 - Your views on religion
I'm a lapsed Catholic. I grew up in the church - Sunday school, altar boy, the works. I still believe in God but not in the strict formalness of Catholicism and there's so much of the teachings I disagree with (and I lot I still try to live by). I attend church on the main holidays but don't necessarily feel welcomed due to my family situation
jackjanderson: (The Long & Winding Road)
I'm always happy to talk about my girls and I think most of you have been around here long enough to know our situation but for those who don't, here we go.

I am in a polyamorous triad with two women - my wife Samantha and our girlfriend Lucy, although we generally think of her as being part of the marriage as well. We've exchanged rings and if the opportunity ever arose for a marriage to include another person, we'd jump straight away. The three of us have been together for the best part of a decade. Samantha and I have been married for almost 15 years, were dating for 5 years before that and have known each other since the late 90s.

I met Lucy in 2010, we had a sexual bdsm relationship for a couple of months. She knew I was married. Samantha watched a number of times and also joined in. We started spending time together outside of that, and Samantha & I realised we were both developing feelings for Lucy. We sat down and talked about it, just the two of us and then with Lucy. 6 months later, Lucy moved in with us. That was in 2011.

If there's anything else you'd like to know about it, feel free to ask.

May 1st

May. 1st, 2019 04:46 pm
jackjanderson: (Jack & Daniel)
A couple of unrelated points:

I'm sick. I've got some kind of virus, started coming down with it last night - temperature, congestion, coughing, sneezing and very little throat. No appetite and all my old bones are aching. Probably only a bad cold but it's a doozy of one. Today has most been spent curled up on the couch, watching Star Trek on Netflix and doing crosswords on my tablet.

I do not like my twitter name. It's currently [profile] flyingtojack. [personal profile] jackjanderson has already been taken which is annoying because that would be my preference. So, my question, as I'm pondering this, is: how do you choose your social media handles?

I mentioned in my last post that Samantha has been 'suggesting' that Lucy & I start blogging again. With Lucy, it's become less of a suggestion and more of a demand so I suspect Lucy will also start updating her journal again. It helps with her mental health, gives her an outlet and she enjoys being able to talk to people about fandom things. I know I do enjoy blogging when I'm doing it but always struggle to think of things to post so I went onto the Pinterest and found one of those 30 day writing challenges. I was going to answer the first one in this post but honestly feel like I'm about to go back to sleep, so maybe later
jackjanderson: (Default)
It's been a while since I logged in or updated or even thought about the dreamwidth and I wanted to ask you apologise. If you read Samantha's journal I then you'll be know what's going on been going on the for the last few months. And for those who don't, her dad died unexpectedly at the beginning of the year and she had what she's calling 'a mental health crisis'

With a lot of support from myself and Lucy, our doctor, the local mental health team and bereavement counselling she's on the road to recovery. And you have no idea how much of a relief that is. I'm not too proud to say I was scared I was going to lose her 😢 Lucy has been amazing throughout; I was concerned the stress was going to trigger an episode of her own but it's like her nurturing instincts kicked in and took over.

In the last maybe 10 days, things are returning to what resembles normal around here. Samantha is still signed off work and it's been agreed that she will be back in September for the new school year. We're finding our groove again and I feel like I have her back; my wife, my lover, my dominant, my best friend

The three of us are taking a long weekend break to Amsterdam this weekend. I think we all deserve to get away, enjoy each others company and press reset. I'm looking forward to visiting a few museums, exploring the red light district, indulging in some coffee shop treats and... Well to be honest some romantic walks along the canals.

I'm currently finally setting up the tablet I got for Christmas so any app recommendations you may have would be great.
So far I've got Facebook, twitter, duolingo, BBC sport, Man City app, good reads, Spotify

For now, I still have over 1000 unread emails to catch up on and then I'll be back to Dreamwidth. Samantha has 'highly suggested' Lucy and I come back to social media...
jackjanderson: (Han Solo)
Sometimes when I'm futzing around on the internet, my heart breaks at how many people seem to hate themselves. Everyone seems to put themselves down - they think they're too short, too fat, too skinny, they don't have the 'right look'. Even my beautiful Samantha was berating herself the other day for turning grey - which I think just makes her look even more sensational.

It makes no sense - she calls me her 'silver fox' and told me that when I started turning salt and pepper that it was sexy and made me look distinguished. But apparently when a woman goes grey it means she's 'let herself go'

Fucking ridiculous.

It turned into a wonderful conversation though about the things we love about each other, and the things we love about ourselves. And what, I hear you asking, do I love about myself?

My optimism. I love that I see the best in people. I look for the good in everyone and in life.

My hair. Sure it's grey but I've still got a full head of thick hair.

My geekiness. I was a geek for decades before it was cool, always loved science-fiction and superheroes.

My sense of humor. Sometimes it's a bit dark but for the most part I love to make people laugh and try not to take things too seriously. See point one.

My chosen family. Samantha and Lucy. My son. The older I get, the more I appreciate them, the more I love them. They are mine. And they like me the way I am.

So now let me turn it around to you and try spread some joy and love around - what do you love about yourself?
jackjanderson: (Fishing)
Apparently continuing on with my self-care theme and mostly inspired by yesterday's post - thinking about what makes me happy, about what makes me smile.

1) My wife's smile. When something really excites her, she beams. She has dimples, her whole face lights up and she smiles from ear to ear. It's infectious and always makes me smile.

2) When Lucy doesn't realise she's being watched, and she's dancing and singing as she cleans. A mop makes a good microphone stand!

3) The successes my son has in his career. I'm very proud of what he's accomplished. Something to do with computers that I don't understand Wat all!

4) A rousing uplifting piece of music. Jupiter, from Gustav Holst's Planet Suite is one such piece. I can't not hum along.

5) Manchester City winning.

6) An evening spent with a good coffee, a good book, my girls, my dog and some good music playing. Best way to spend an evening

7) Receiving a thorough spanking. Falling into subspace and flying on endorphins.

8) Playing with the dogs. I'm never too old to roughhouse on the floor with them. Sure I may need help getting back up again these days but that doesn't stop it being a whole lot of fun

9) Superhero movies. I love both Marvel and DC and as an old-school geek it makes my heart swell how popular they still are

10) Winning a game of monopoly. Because we're old and boring, the three of us love to spend an afternoon playing boardgames and monopoly has always been a favourite. I'm competitive by nature and winning makes me feel good
jackjanderson: (Crossword)
Samantha and Lucy have been all about self-care lately - massages, spa days, yoga, meditation, guided relaxations... that kind of thing. It made me stop and think about what self-care means to me.

It doesn't mean any of that to me. Although I'm not going to turn down a good massage.

To me, it's more about making time for me in my daily life. It's easy to get caught up in the day-to-day stuff, in the routines of life, in the things that are important to be done. It's about taking the time to stop, put some music on, a mug of coffee and a good book or going out for a meal and a movie with my girls. Sometimes, it's bigger and it's going fishing for the weekend, going to a football match.

I definitely feel better when I take time to connect with people - with Samantha and Lucy, with my son, with my friends. My relationships with the people in my life are important to me so it seems just as important to make sure they're healthy as well.

As I get older, it's important to me to take care of my physical health. I have a number of old injuries that need to be cared for properly. It's been a long, slow, process but I am learning that if my back or my knees start to hurt, I need to stop what I'm doing and care for them - whether that's taking a little break, some gentle stretching, applying heat or ice, or taking painkillers. Sometimes it can mean a massage or a trip to a chiropractor but it's about knowing my body and what I need to do for in that moment.
jackjanderson: (Default)
Samantha has set up a new Dreamwidth account - one for her, myself and Lucy where we'll be talking a lot more about the poly and BDSM aspects of our relationships. She's going to be doing most of the posting, we think, but we'll all of us be involved in what gets talked about.

If you're interested in reading about that side of things, about how our relationships work and want to know about the sex and the kink and all the nitty gritty, come and join us at [personal profile] kinkyandpoly

That doesn't mean I'm going to stop talking about it here when it comes up -but it's going to be more frank, and in depth, and friends locked over there.
jackjanderson: (Default)
Hello Dreamwidth. If there's anyone still out there, how are you? I've not even been on the computer in a while but over the last few days I've found myself wondering about the lives of the peoples who's blogs I would read, who let me into their lives only for me to disappear.

If you recall, we were having some struggles towards the end of last year and the beginning of this but everything has smoothed itself down. We're fully settled into our new house, all injuries have healed, routines have re-established. Samantha is thriving in her job. Lucy is coming back out of herself again, settling down and making friends.

Things are good and it feels amazing to be able to say that.

I'm settled down in my favourite chair, mug of coffee and some music playing. Samantha is in her office. Lucy is in the other room doing the march set up in the her bullet journal.

My current plan for today is:
Catch up on emails
Catch up on the blogs I read
Update sites like trakt/goodreads with books read and movies watched so far this year
Figure out what I'm going to do with this blog.
jackjanderson: (The Long & Winding Road)
I'm not normally one for insomnia. Sleep and me, we're good friends. And so I have no idea why I'm wide awake at 5:15 on a Saturday morning, and have been awake since about 3:30. Something woke me and I couldn't get back to sleep. I've given up trying and so coffee.

I suspect the fact we're all off schedule due to the Christmas break. Routines have gone out of the window, as they often do when work isn't happening. Samantha goes back to work on Monday though so hopefully we'll get back to what resembles normal around here.

This current bout of insomnia has me actually reading emails and I came across my year in music report from last.fm - I scrobbled 575 tracks, averaged 1 scrobble a day and spent a total of 1 day and 10 hours listening to music.
My top played artist was Franz Schubert with 27 scrobbles, my top played album was Die Schöne Müllerin, Op. 25, D. 795 by Franz Schubert and my top played track was The Lark Ascending by Ralph Vaughan Williams.
I scrobble most between 9 and 10 am, and listen most on a Sunday. My top genres were classical, piano, instrumental, romantic and ambient - although I'm not exactly sure what 'ambient' really is. Last.fm defines it as
Ambient music is a musical genre that is generally identifiable as being broadly atmospheric and environmental in nature.
which to be perfectly honest doesn't exactly help!

If anyone's on last.fm and wants to be my friend, I'm jackjanderson - I know, I'm very original when it comes to usernames!

I also came across my Year In Books on Goodreads. I read 23,761 pages across 66 books. I'd challenged myself to 70 so didn't quite make that. I'm aiming for 65 this year.
The shortest book I read was The Simpsons Annual which was 72 pages and the longest book I read was The Blood Gospel by James Rollins at 802. The average length of book I read was 360 pages.
jackjanderson: (Fishing)
I've never kept a secret of the fact that there is a BDSM aspect of the relationship between Samantha, Lucy and I. It's how we met Lucy in the first place. But I've never sat down and talked about it with you.

A lot of people have preconceived notions of what that means, of how our relationships work, about the kind of sex we have, about the types of things we enjoy - and maybe you do too. The truth is it's also probably nothing like what you're imagining. I'm not entirely sure how much sense this is going to make but I'm going to try and shed a light on some of this.behind this cut to spare those who aren't interested )

I don't know if that does really explain or clarify things but it's something I've been wanting to write about for a while. It's a pretty important part of who I am, who we are, how we work and our relationships so it felt important to blog about it.

I'm also thinking about maybe - if I can figure out these custom access lists and anyone would be interested in hearing about it - writing about some of our adventures.
jackjanderson: (A Little Piece Of Heaven)
Samantha is at school, Lucy is at yoga and I've just come back from a walk with the dogs. Time to relax with some coffee and today's paper.

For my second Music Monday and continuing on with that much neglected 30 day meme we have A favourite song with a person's name in the title which gives us

A very uptempo version of Rossini - William Tell Overture: Finale. I love how passionate the conductor is and how into the music all the musicians are. A wonderful piece for blowing away the cobwebs on a Monday morning
jackjanderson: (Han Solo)
Things are looking good for the house move. All the paperwork has completed, we've sold our house and we're still on track for moving into the new house on the 26th. I'm a little sick of living in boxtown and not being able to find anything - although we've all three had the chance to have a really good clear out. We're not down sizing but sometimes it's good to out with the old, in with the new.

I'm definitely looking forward to some decorating and gardening and putting our mark on the new place.

Speaking of things for moving, we've found Lucy a new therapist down there - recommended by her current one. We've met a few times and they seem to get on, and she seems LGBT and poly friendly so that's always a relief. Lucy's also got a yoga class sorted and is looking at the various support groups that are available to her. She's definitely stressed and struggling with her mental health but nowhere near as bad as I was dreading. I wish I could help her more. *sigh emoji*

Samantha's leg is healing well. She's got the cast off and now just has a very cumbersome plastic boot on the foot. Shes still walking on crutches and bitching about physios being evil sadistic bastards so I think she'll be just fine!

Tomorrow, incidentally, is my and Samantha's 13th wedding anniversary ♥
She's up to something. I know her well enough to know she's got something planned. She won't tell me. Neither will Lucy.

So yes. Things continue to tick over nicely in Casa Anderson which is always nice to be able to say. Now, we head to the local cinema to see The Dark Tower.
jackjanderson: (Han Solo)
My girls have been away with some friends this weekend on a 'girly weekend'. I miss them but have also enjoyed some peace and quiet if I'm perfectly honest!

Yesterday, my son came for a visit and we lost a few hours down the pub watching football, followed by Chinese takeout and more football at home. It was very enjoyable.
He also delivered an anniversary present for Samantha and I - but we're under strict instructions not to open until the 19th.

Today has been spent on a long walk on the beach with the dog, some time catching up on various and sundry social media and listening to 2Cellos on Youtube and reading. There was also an afternoon nap. Currently there is a roast chicken dinner in the oven and I'm eyeing Interstellar on Amazon Prime for evening.

All in all a very pleasant way to spend an weekend.
jackjanderson: (Black Canary)
Day 17 - A song that you would sing as a duet on karaoke:
There's a very easy answer to this question and that is n/a - I don't sing, I don't karaoke.
Samantha and Lucy, on the other hand, have been known to do a very loud and out of key rendition of Eurythmics & Aretha Franklin - Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves


Day 18 - A song from the year you were born:

I had to have a quick google to answer this and the answer is Blue Tango by Leroy Anderson "Pops" Concert Orchestra which I have vague memories of hearing as a small child.
jackjanderson: (Crossword)
1) Do you want to get married? I already am married, very happily for the last 13 years to the beautiful Samantha.
If the laws ever changed, we would also get married to Lucy
2) Where would you like to get married? We got married in a registry office, nothing fancy, just the two of us. Me in a suit, her in a beautiful dress
3) If you were getting married in a week, who would be in your wedding party? God now there's a question. We'd keep it small and intimate again; my son, Lucy, Samantha's father and brother.
4) What would your wedding colours be? I have no idea. Pale blues, greens and pinks? Our favourite colours.
5) Does marriage mean to you 'til death do us part?' This time around it does.
jackjanderson: (Milky Way Blue)
Day 15 - A song that is a cover by another artist:



2Cellos's arrangement of Thunderstruck by AC/DC
Lucy introduced me to 2Cellos earlier this year and their 'duelling cellos' are nearly as much fun to listen to as they are to watch.

This was a hard one to pick a song for. Technically, the majority of classical music are cover versions since we're not sitting listening to the original composer, but other (usually)incredibly skilled musicians playing their pieces.
jackjanderson: (Crossword)
Hello Dreamwidth.

Apologies for the lack of updates over the last couple of weeks. It's been a crazy busy time around here but I'm mostly still treading water. We're all a little stressed - and that's a trigger for worsening poor Lucy's schizophrenia

The basics are
Samantha has been offered a new job at the other end of the country. After much discussion, she's accepted it and we're moving next month down to Cardiff.
Unfortunately, and making packing and moving much harder than anticipated, Samantha has broken her leg. One of the most terrifying phonecalls a man can recieve is one from the hospital saying his wife's been in an accident. She tripped and fell down the stairs at work, gave herself mild concussion, a couple of cracked ribs and a displaced fracture of her right leg.

Also, Samantha now has a Dreamwidth account of her own. She's been struggling post-operation on her leg, groggy with painkillers and looking for something to do other than watch TV and read - she's a very active woman and being mostly immobile isn't working for her. You can find her at [personal profile] samanderson

I'm hoping to get caught up reading your posts over the next couple of days or so. Things are getting easier now we're finding our current rhythm around the house. And I'll get back into the posting that music meme probably tomorrow when I've had chance to find my notes on the songs I'd chosen and what I wanted to talk about it.
jackjanderson: (Moon Over Earth)
Day 14 - A song that you would love played at your wedding:

Felix Mendelssohn - "Wedding March" in C major, from his suite of incidental music (Op. 61) to Shakespeare's play A Midsummer Night's Dream.

It was, in fact, played at both of my weddings. I'm not planning on having another, unless polyamory gets legally recognised and Samantha & I can marry Lucy. And that's not likely to happen in my lifetime

About Me

I'm Jack, a recent retiree looking for a new hobby. Apparently 'annoying my girlfriend' isn't the best use of my days. Her opinion, not mine

I'm a life-long science-fiction and superheroes fan, and a voracious reader. I enjoy movies, fishing, astronomy, and gardening.

I live in Wales with my wife, our girlfriend and an ever growing collection of four-legged friends.

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