jackjanderson: (Fishing)
I've never kept a secret of the fact that there is a BDSM aspect of the relationship between Samantha, Lucy and I. It's how we met Lucy in the first place. But I've never sat down and talked about it with you.

A lot of people have preconceived notions of what that means, of how our relationships work, about the kind of sex we have, about the types of things we enjoy - and maybe you do too. The truth is it's also probably nothing like what you're imagining. I'm not entirely sure how much sense this is going to make but I'm going to try and shed a light on some of this.behind this cut to spare those who aren't interested )

I don't know if that does really explain or clarify things but it's something I've been wanting to write about for a while. It's a pretty important part of who I am, who we are, how we work and our relationships so it felt important to blog about it.

I'm also thinking about maybe - if I can figure out these custom access lists and anyone would be interested in hearing about it - writing about some of our adventures.
jackjanderson: (A Little Piece Of Heaven)
Samantha is at school, Lucy is at yoga and I've just come back from a walk with the dogs. Time to relax with some coffee and today's paper.

For my second Music Monday and continuing on with that much neglected 30 day meme we have A favourite song with a person's name in the title which gives us

A very uptempo version of Rossini - William Tell Overture: Finale. I love how passionate the conductor is and how into the music all the musicians are. A wonderful piece for blowing away the cobwebs on a Monday morning
jackjanderson: (Han Solo)
Things are looking good for the house move. All the paperwork has completed, we've sold our house and we're still on track for moving into the new house on the 26th. I'm a little sick of living in boxtown and not being able to find anything - although we've all three had the chance to have a really good clear out. We're not down sizing but sometimes it's good to out with the old, in with the new.

I'm definitely looking forward to some decorating and gardening and putting our mark on the new place.

Speaking of things for moving, we've found Lucy a new therapist down there - recommended by her current one. We've met a few times and they seem to get on, and she seems LGBT and poly friendly so that's always a relief. Lucy's also got a yoga class sorted and is looking at the various support groups that are available to her. She's definitely stressed and struggling with her mental health but nowhere near as bad as I was dreading. I wish I could help her more. *sigh emoji*

Samantha's leg is healing well. She's got the cast off and now just has a very cumbersome plastic boot on the foot. Shes still walking on crutches and bitching about physios being evil sadistic bastards so I think she'll be just fine!

Tomorrow, incidentally, is my and Samantha's 13th wedding anniversary ♥
She's up to something. I know her well enough to know she's got something planned. She won't tell me. Neither will Lucy.

So yes. Things continue to tick over nicely in Casa Anderson which is always nice to be able to say. Now, we head to the local cinema to see The Dark Tower.
jackjanderson: (Han Solo)
My girls have been away with some friends this weekend on a 'girly weekend'. I miss them but have also enjoyed some peace and quiet if I'm perfectly honest!

Yesterday, my son came for a visit and we lost a few hours down the pub watching football, followed by Chinese takeout and more football at home. It was very enjoyable.
He also delivered an anniversary present for Samantha and I - but we're under strict instructions not to open until the 19th.

Today has been spent on a long walk on the beach with the dog, some time catching up on various and sundry social media and listening to 2Cellos on Youtube and reading. There was also an afternoon nap. Currently there is a roast chicken dinner in the oven and I'm eyeing Interstellar on Amazon Prime for evening.

All in all a very pleasant way to spend an weekend.
jackjanderson: (Black Canary)
Day 17 - A song that you would sing as a duet on karaoke:
There's a very easy answer to this question and that is n/a - I don't sing, I don't karaoke.
Samantha and Lucy, on the other hand, have been known to do a very loud and out of key rendition of Eurythmics & Aretha Franklin - Sisters Are Doin' It For Themselves


Day 18 - A song from the year you were born:

I had to have a quick google to answer this and the answer is Blue Tango by Leroy Anderson "Pops" Concert Orchestra which I have vague memories of hearing as a small child.
jackjanderson: (Crossword)
1) Do you want to get married? I already am married, very happily for the last 13 years to the beautiful Samantha.
If the laws ever changed, we would also get married to Lucy
2) Where would you like to get married? We got married in a registry office, nothing fancy, just the two of us. Me in a suit, her in a beautiful dress
3) If you were getting married in a week, who would be in your wedding party? God now there's a question. We'd keep it small and intimate again; my son, Lucy, Samantha's father and brother.
4) What would your wedding colours be? I have no idea. Pale blues, greens and pinks? Our favourite colours.
5) Does marriage mean to you 'til death do us part?' This time around it does.
jackjanderson: (Milky Way Blue)
Day 15 - A song that is a cover by another artist:



2Cellos's arrangement of Thunderstruck by AC/DC
Lucy introduced me to 2Cellos earlier this year and their 'duelling cellos' are nearly as much fun to listen to as they are to watch.

This was a hard one to pick a song for. Technically, the majority of classical music are cover versions since we're not sitting listening to the original composer, but other (usually)incredibly skilled musicians playing their pieces.
jackjanderson: (Crossword)
Hello Dreamwidth.

Apologies for the lack of updates over the last couple of weeks. It's been a crazy busy time around here but I'm mostly still treading water. We're all a little stressed - and that's a trigger for worsening poor Lucy's schizophrenia

The basics are
Samantha has been offered a new job at the other end of the country. After much discussion, she's accepted it and we're moving next month down to Cardiff.
Unfortunately, and making packing and moving much harder than anticipated, Samantha has broken her leg. One of the most terrifying phonecalls a man can recieve is one from the hospital saying his wife's been in an accident. She tripped and fell down the stairs at work, gave herself mild concussion, a couple of cracked ribs and a displaced fracture of her right leg.

Also, Samantha now has a Dreamwidth account of her own. She's been struggling post-operation on her leg, groggy with painkillers and looking for something to do other than watch TV and read - she's a very active woman and being mostly immobile isn't working for her. You can find her at [personal profile] samanderson

I'm hoping to get caught up reading your posts over the next couple of days or so. Things are getting easier now we're finding our current rhythm around the house. And I'll get back into the posting that music meme probably tomorrow when I've had chance to find my notes on the songs I'd chosen and what I wanted to talk about it.
jackjanderson: (Moon Over Earth)
Day 14 - A song that you would love played at your wedding:

Felix Mendelssohn - "Wedding March" in C major, from his suite of incidental music (Op. 61) to Shakespeare's play A Midsummer Night's Dream.

It was, in fact, played at both of my weddings. I'm not planning on having another, unless polyamory gets legally recognised and Samantha & I can marry Lucy. And that's not likely to happen in my lifetime

Fanfiction?

May. 9th, 2017 03:36 pm
jackjanderson: (Fishing)
I like to think of myself as being a fairly open-minded guy. I try not to be to judgemental of other lifestyles, considering mine is doubly alternative but I have to admit that every so often I come across something that I simply don't get.

On the internet, recently, I have discovered one of those things.

Fan fiction.

From what I can gather, it appears to be imagining characters from a tv show or movie or even the actors playing them are gay and writing porn about it.

Lucy is quite taken with it at the moment. She assures me it's 'hot'.

On one hand, anything that can get Lucy reading is a great tool. She wants to read and gets very frustrated with herself when her attention span doesn't allow her to.
I also keep meaning to speak to Samantha about reading books vs reading on the screen if it's the format that's helping her concentrate, and would be worth getting Lucy a Kindle?

On the other hand, however, I... don't get it.
jackjanderson: (Moon Over Earth)
A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, my May the Fourth Star Wars marathon would take up an afternoon. I could start at lunchtime and be done in time for a late evening meal. It was a trilogy - not a whole lot of film watching, maybe just over 7 hours.

Then the prequels happened and so the time taken doubled. That's more of a movie marathon. Now we start to weed out the weak. And of course the last couple of years there's been more increases which is even better.

This year. This year, we actually managed to do the majority of the watching ON the day. I don't work anymore, Samantha doesn't have classes on a Thursday. The rewatch often happens the weekend after the 4th, because of work etc

We started bright and early, 8am with The Phantom Menace. We finished up at 11pm at the end of Empire Strikes Back. We were all tired, and Samantha had class again today.

This evening we finished off with Return Of The Jedi and The Force Awakens.

If there's a better way to spend one day and one evening, I don't know what it is!
jackjanderson: (A Little Piece Of Heaven)
Never let it be said that I do not look after my girls, or that I cannot cook. I admit I'm not the best cook in the world, much prefer to just cook meat on the bbq but this is Wales and I don't get the opportunity to do that as often as I like.

Samantha & Lucy spent the day out at Penrhyn Castle & Parc with the dogs. (I spent the day watching NCIS and Bones, my backs and knees weren't up for a day on my feet and they could do with some time together, they don't get enough) They came back all cold and wet and exhausted - but happy, which is the important thing. The dogs fast asleep in front the shower, the girls have showered and are flopped down on the couch under warm blankets. Aching feet have been rubbed and dinner has been served. I made sweet and sour pork stir-fry which was a hit all round and Lucy suggested I share the recipe.

I don't have a recipe, per se.
I mixed together pineaple juice, cornflour, tomato sauce, soy, sugar and vinegar. I threw some diced pork into a hot wok, cooked it through then set it aside. Fried the red pepper, chopped pineapple and onion, stirred in the sauce, warmed it through, added the pork back in. Served it with rice noodles. I even did the dishes!

I'm about the join them - and the cats - under the blankets and we're going to watch the 2008 Incredible Hulk. I'm not crazy about this version of Hulk, I definitely prefer Ruffalo as Banner but we're doing an MCU rewatch.
jackjanderson: (Moon Over Earth)
I've come to realise as I'm reading blogs that I seem to spend a lot of time feeling the need to apologise for my fellow man, for the way so many men treat women, for the way so many women have been treated by men. It sickens me that there are men who think it's ok to continue making advances on a woman when shes made it clear she's not interested, and more than that.

Am I trying to say that I'm perfect, that I've never undressed a woman with my eyes, that I've never catcalled, that I've never thought of certain more manual labour as a 'mans job'?
No, of course I'm not. I do, however, know where the line is and not to cross it. I was raised by a strong woman and taught to respect women. To respect everyone, lets face it. To be a decent human being.

My son has been raised the same way and if I was to ever find out that he was treating women in a disrepectful manner, if I ever found out he'd broken a woman's consent... well let's just say he may be 30 but he'd still find his hide tanned for it!
(I tried to put a joking 'other than his mother, he can treat her however he pleases' but actually, no, despite my thinking shes an insufferable bitch, if I found out Charlie was treating his mother wrong it would still be the same case!)

I was always aware of the difficulties a woman can face. My wife struggles with gender bias a lot in her chosen fields. There is a colleague of hers who refers to her, even in earshot, as 'the cute blonde' - ok, I'm not going to argue with his assessment because she i but damnit they're supposed to be professionals, they're peers, she has just as many (if not more) qualifications as he does, she's published more, I'd like to say she's better respected.

Samantha says it's professonal jealousy combined with a masculine pride and not wanting to believe a woman could do better than her. I say it's a good job I don't have to see the arrogant fool more than once or twice a year. I'm personally not sure how she hasn't broken his nose yet!

I also understnd that would cause more trouble than it's worth and he'd just label her another emotional woman who can't control or handle herself.

I cannot understand men like him. I cannot understand the behaviour of so many men.

How are we in 2017 and still struggling with the same issues of gender equality?
jackjanderson: (Han Solo)
According to a small child in town today, I am the coolest old person they had ever seen. Possibly even the coolest old person, ever. Old people, you see, don't wear Batman t-shirts. This is what I've learned today.

While I'm pleased as punch to be classed as cool, I'm not sure how I feel at being seen as an 'old person'. Yes, I am old and yes I call myself old. But having someone else call me old is very different to knowing I'm old.
I'm not sure how much sense that makes.

Can I just take the 'cool' and run with it?
No-one's ever actually called me cool and meant it before

Samantha and Lucy, who I was having lunch with at the time, thought it was utterly hilarious. They say that I'm just old and not cool though. One day they'll both turn old, have people think they're old and then we'll see how they feel!
jackjanderson: (Milky Way Blue)
Things Jack learned about himself this last week - he does not like to be alone and gets lonely quite easily.

It's been a weird old week with Lucy at her sister's and Samantha at work. Samantha's gone again today - to bring Lucy home - and they'll be back later this afternoon and I am at a loss of things to do. The house is quiet and empty. I've not enjoyed rattling around it in on my own all week and I don't know how Lucy did it all day, every day.

I ended up spending the latter half of the week out - at the library or at a coffee shop mostly... anywhere where there was human contact to be had. I thought about looking into volunteering opportunities. I may even have snuck into one or two of Samantha's classes.

I always knew I was an extrovert and thrived on the company of other people but I had no idea how miserable it would make me to be on my own. I hope this is not an experience to be repeated anytime soon!
jackjanderson: (Crossword)
It's a little before 6am on a Sunday morning, I'm full of cold, home alone and wide awake. The wide awake is mostly a combination of an empty bed and not breathing - but the home alone/empty bed is no related to having a cold.

Lucy's sister Susan went into labour early, two beautiful girls born late Friday night. Amelia and Olivia (Millie and Vivi). Small but healthy as expected for being born 2 months early. Samantha has taken Lucy to be with them and will be back later this morning.

I'm killing the sleepless hours online and came across this 25 Questions survey. Answering and sharing it seemed like a good idea.

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Closed. Leave them open and it'll cast weird shadows and freak the dog out, or one of the cats will get in there.
2. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? Bullet journal layout idea
3. Do you sing in the shower? Yes I do. This morning the girls were very entertained by my rendition of Time To Say Goodbye
4. What inspires you? Passion
5. Would you bungee jump? 'Would'? I have and it was great fun
6. Do you have any pets? We have four right now - two cats and two dogs. Samantha would have horses if she could/we had the land and I know Lucy wants rabbits so this may change
7. What book are you reading? Dan Brown - The Lost Symbol
8. Last book you read? Dan Brown - The Da Vinci Code. Jack re-reads Robert Landgon 2017
9. Are you a sports fan? Yes. I support Manchester City and my local team in football. I also enjoy rugby, ice hockey and formula 1 racing
10. Last Person You Talked To On The Phone? Samantha
11. Favourite foods? Roast beef, yorkshire pudding, roast potatoes, parsnip, broccoli, peas, carrots, mustard and gravy.
12. Mountain Hideaway or Beach House? Can I have a place on the beach with the mountains behind it? No? Oh just the beach house then
13. Last thing you listened to? Strauss - The Blue Danube
14. Growing up, which were you favourite cartoons? Oh God. Woody Woodpecker, The Flintstones, Yogi Bear, The Jetsons... I was a big Hanna Barbera fan
15. What are you listening to now? Birdsong from the garden
16. Relationship Status? In a committed poly triad
17. Biggest Fear? Losing my mind
18. Dream destination? I would love to experience Las Vegas
19. Are you in school? If so what are you studying? I'm thinking of taking some online classes in psychology
20. What is your favourite song at the moment? I don't think I have a favourite per se. Bring Him Home from Les Miserables has been rattling around inside my skull recently.
21. Favourite Movie? Star Wars
22. Favourite color? Green.
23. Where do you want to be in 5 years? Alive
24. Batman or superman? Yes.
25. Who is your favourite villain? There's so many good ones to chose from. Darth Vader, The Joker, Hal 9000, Voldemort, Moriarty, Red Skull, Loki, Ra's Al Ghul, Magneto, Lex Luthor...
jackjanderson: (The Long & Winding Road)
I'm realising that one of the topics I'm going to end up talking about most is my girls and our relationship/s with each other. I'm also aware that it's going to be misunderstood, misinterpreted so I'm going to come straight out and discuss it.

I have a wife and we have a girlfriend. And believe me, Lucy is very much Samantha's girlfriend as much as she is mine. We are all three in a relationship together.

We are polyamorous.

Polyamory, as defined by the dictionary is the practice or condition of participating simultaneously in more than one serious romantic or sexual relationship with the knowledge and consent of all partners..

What we are not is swingers or cheats. No-one is fucking anyone else behind anyone else's back. We aren't inviting random people into our bed all the time. We are all in a committed relationship, no different to any straight, monogamous couple. It's just that there's three of us.

Polyfidelty is another term for what we have. We're a triad, if you will. A delta.

It's not something that was planned. It's not something either Samantha or I were aware of being or of having any interest in. As my son asked, it's not the reason I got divorced from his mother. It kind of just happened.

Samantha and I have have been in a relationship since 1999, and we have been married since 2004. Lucy and I met in May of 2010. We had sexual bdsm relationship for a couple of months1. She knew I was a married. Samantha watched a number of times and joined in. A few months later, Samantha confessed to me that she was developing feelings for Lucy - and I was incredibly relieved because I felt the same way. We sat down and talked about it, just the two of us and then with Lucy. 6 months later, Lucy moved in with us.

It's not easy. Like any relationship, hell like anything worth having, it takes work. We're still discovering new ways in which we work together. For example, since I retired, Samantha has admitted she's jealous of the amount of time I'm spending with Lucy (Lucy does not work for a number of reasons and so we're both home all the time) so I'm aware we need to spend more time together as a couple. We haven't worked out the finer points yet, still a work in progress. But it's a new situation so we're growing and learning into it and from it




1 the BDSM aspect of our relationship is something I'm planning on writing a post about as well.
jackjanderson: (Default)
Things are about to get very tense in this house. The rugby starts soon. England vs Wales. Samantha is Welsh and a Wales fan. I support England... there is no way in which this is going to play out well!

About Me

I'm Jack, a recent retiree looking for a new hobby. Apparently 'annoying my girlfriend' isn't the best use of my days. Her opinion, not mine

I'm a life-long science-fiction and superheroes fan, and a voracious reader. I enjoy movies, fishing, astronomy, and gardening.

I live in Wales with my wife, our girlfriend and an ever growing collection of four-legged friends.

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