Flying To The Stars

Samantha is at school, Lucy is at yoga and I've just come back from a walk with the dogs. Time to relax with some coffee and today's paper.

For my second Music Monday and continuing on with that much neglected 30 day meme we have A favourite song with a person's name in the title which gives us

A very uptempo version of Rossini - William Tell Overture: Finale. I love how passionate the conductor is and how into the music all the musicians are. A wonderful piece for blowing away the cobwebs on a Monday morning

My girls have been away with some friends this weekend on a 'girly weekend'. I miss them but have also enjoyed some peace and quiet if I'm perfectly honest!

Yesterday, my son came for a visit and we lost a few hours down the pub watching football, followed by Chinese takeout and more football at home. It was very enjoyable.
He also delivered an anniversary present for Samantha and I - but we're under strict instructions not to open until the 19th.

Today has been spent on a long walk on the beach with the dog, some time catching up on various and sundry social media and listening to 2Cellos on Youtube and reading. There was also an afternoon nap. Currently there is a roast chicken dinner in the oven and I'm eyeing Interstellar on Amazon Prime for evening.

All in all a very pleasant way to spend an weekend.

1) Do you want to get married? I already am married, very happily for the last 13 years to the beautiful Samantha.
If the laws ever changed, we would also get married to Lucy
2) Where would you like to get married? We got married in a registry office, nothing fancy, just the two of us. Me in a suit, her in a beautiful dress
3) If you were getting married in a week, who would be in your wedding party? God now there's a question. We'd keep it small and intimate again; my son, Lucy, Samantha's father and brother.
4) What would your wedding colours be? I have no idea. Pale blues, greens and pinks? Our favourite colours.
5) Does marriage mean to you 'til death do us part?' This time around it does.

Hello Dreamwidth.

Apologies for the lack of updates over the last couple of weeks. It's been a crazy busy time around here but I'm mostly still treading water. We're all a little stressed - and that's a trigger for worsening poor Lucy's schizophrenia

The basics are
Samantha has been offered a new job at the other end of the country. After much discussion, she's accepted it and we're moving next month down to Cardiff.
Unfortunately, and making packing and moving much harder than anticipated, Samantha has broken her leg. One of the most terrifying phonecalls a man can recieve is one from the hospital saying his wife's been in an accident. She tripped and fell down the stairs at work, gave herself mild concussion, a couple of cracked ribs and a displaced fracture of her right leg.

Also, Samantha now has a Dreamwidth account of her own. She's been struggling post-operation on her leg, groggy with painkillers and looking for something to do other than watch TV and read - she's a very active woman and being mostly immobile isn't working for her. You can find her at samanderson

I'm hoping to get caught up reading your posts over the next couple of days or so. Things are getting easier now we're finding our current rhythm around the house. And I'll get back into the posting that music meme probably tomorrow when I've had chance to find my notes on the songs I'd chosen and what I wanted to talk about it.

I like to think of myself as being a fairly open-minded guy. I try not to be to judgemental of other lifestyles, considering mine is doubly alternative but I have to admit that every so often I come across something that I simply don't get.

On the internet, recently, I have discovered one of those things.

Fan fiction.

From what I can gather, it appears to be imagining characters from a tv show or movie or even the actors playing them are gay and writing porn about it.

Lucy is quite taken with it at the moment. She assures me it's 'hot'.

On one hand, anything that can get Lucy reading is a great tool. She wants to read and gets very frustrated with herself when her attention span doesn't allow her to.
I also keep meaning to speak to Samantha about reading books vs reading on the screen if it's the format that's helping her concentrate, and would be worth getting Lucy a Kindle?

On the other hand, however, I... don't get it.

Never let it be said that I do not look after my girls, or that I cannot cook. I admit I'm not the best cook in the world, much prefer to just cook meat on the bbq but this is Wales and I don't get the opportunity to do that as often as I like.

Samantha & Lucy spent the day out at Penrhyn Castle & Parc with the dogs. (I spent the day watching NCIS and Bones, my backs and knees weren't up for a day on my feet and they could do with some time together, they don't get enough) They came back all cold and wet and exhausted - but happy, which is the important thing. The dogs fast asleep in front the shower, the girls have showered and are flopped down on the couch under warm blankets. Aching feet have been rubbed and dinner has been served. I made sweet and sour pork stir-fry which was a hit all round and Lucy suggested I share the recipe.

I don't have a recipe, per se.
I mixed together pineaple juice, cornflour, tomato sauce, soy, sugar and vinegar. I threw some diced pork into a hot wok, cooked it through then set it aside. Fried the red pepper, chopped pineapple and onion, stirred in the sauce, warmed it through, added the pork back in. Served it with rice noodles. I even did the dishes!

I'm about the join them - and the cats - under the blankets and we're going to watch the 2008 Incredible Hulk. I'm not crazy about this version of Hulk, I definitely prefer Ruffalo as Banner but we're doing an MCU rewatch.

I've come to realise as I'm reading blogs that I seem to spend a lot of time feeling the need to apologise for my fellow man, for the way so many men treat women, for the way so many women have been treated by men. It sickens me that there are men who think it's ok to continue making advances on a woman when shes made it clear she's not interested, and more than that.

Am I trying to say that I'm perfect, that I've never undressed a woman with my eyes, that I've never catcalled, that I've never thought of certain more manual labour as a 'mans job'?
No, of course I'm not. I do, however, know where the line is and not to cross it. I was raised by a strong woman and taught to respect women. To respect everyone, lets face it. To be a decent human being.

My son has been raised the same way and if I was to ever find out that he was treating women in a disrepectful manner, if I ever found out he'd broken a woman's consent... well let's just say he may be 30 but he'd still find his hide tanned for it!
(I tried to put a joking 'other than his mother, he can treat her however he pleases' but actually, no, despite my thinking shes an insufferable bitch, if I found out Charlie was treating his mother wrong it would still be the same case!)

I was always aware of the difficulties a woman can face. My wife struggles with gender bias a lot in her chosen fields. There is a colleague of hers who refers to her, even in earshot, as 'the cute blonde' - ok, I'm not going to argue with his assessment because she i but damnit they're supposed to be professionals, they're peers, she has just as many (if not more) qualifications as he does, she's published more, I'd like to say she's better respected.

Samantha says it's professonal jealousy combined with a masculine pride and not wanting to believe a woman could do better than her. I say it's a good job I don't have to see the arrogant fool more than once or twice a year. I'm personally not sure how she hasn't broken his nose yet!

I also understnd that would cause more trouble than it's worth and he'd just label her another emotional woman who can't control or handle herself.

I cannot understand men like him. I cannot understand the behaviour of so many men.

How are we in 2017 and still struggling with the same issues of gender equality?

Things Jack learned about himself this last week - he does not like to be alone and gets lonely quite easily.

It's been a weird old week with Lucy at her sister's and Samantha at work. Samantha's gone again today - to bring Lucy home - and they'll be back later this afternoon and I am at a loss of things to do. The house is quiet and empty. I've not enjoyed rattling around it in on my own all week and I don't know how Lucy did it all day, every day.

I ended up spending the latter half of the week out - at the library or at a coffee shop mostly... anywhere where there was human contact to be had. I thought about looking into volunteering opportunities. I may even have snuck into one or two of Samantha's classes.

I always knew I was an extrovert and thrived on the company of other people but I had no idea how miserable it would make me to be on my own. I hope this is not an experience to be repeated anytime soon!

I'm realising that one of the topics I'm going to end up talking about most is my girls and our relationship/s with each other. I'm also aware that it's going to be misunderstood, misinterpreted so I'm going to come straight out and discuss it.

I have a wife and we have a girlfriend. And believe me, Lucy is very much Samantha's girlfriend as much as she is mine. We are all three in a relationship together.

We are polyamorous.

Polyamory, as defined by the dictionary is the practice or condition of participating simultaneously in more than one serious romantic or sexual relationship with the knowledge and consent of all partners..

What we are not is swingers or cheats. No-one is fucking anyone else behind anyone else's back. We aren't inviting random people into our bed all the time. We are all in a committed relationship, no different to any straight, monogamous couple. It's just that there's three of us.

Polyfidelty is another term for what we have. We're a triad, if you will. A delta.

It's not something that was planned. It's not something either Samantha or I were aware of being or of having any interest in. As my son asked, it's not the reason I got divorced from his mother. It kind of just happened.

Samantha and I have have been in a relationship since 1999, and we have been married since 2004. Lucy and I met in May of 2010. We had sexual bdsm relationship for a couple of months¹. She knew I was a married. Samantha watched a number of times and joined in. A few months later, Samantha confessed to me that she was developing feelings for Lucy - and I was incredibly relieved because I felt the same way. We sat down and talked about it, just the two of us and then with Lucy. 6 months later, Lucy moved in with us.

It's not easy. Like any relationship, hell like anything worth having, it takes work. We're still discovering new ways in which we work together. For example, since I retired, Samantha has admitted she's jealous of the amount of time I'm spending with Lucy (Lucy does not work for a number of reasons and so we're both home all the time) so I'm aware we need to spend more time together as a couple. We haven't worked out the finer points yet, still a work in progress. But it's a new situation so we're growing and learning into it and from it




_{1 the BDSM aspect of our relationship is something I'm planning on writing a post about as well.}

Things are about to get very tense in this house. The rugby starts soon. England vs Wales. Samantha is Welsh and a Wales fan. I support England... there is no way in which this is going to play out well!